A Letter to Mari Kina

This letter I wrote for you with my one hand ,but in fact I do have two hands,and with the help of my brain ,assuming that I have one, will be my last piece of paper that I will give to you.Cause I know and everybody knows that you are flying back to the place,where you once feel falling inlove.If I only had the power and the will .I will destroy all airplanes and bus to stop you from going there.But since I dont have the power I can't iniate my plan.Actually even if I have both,I will still not continue cause this would certainly make you think Im insane.




At an early age ,when I was still a fetus ,I feel this something .I was sure it was not the bloody fluids I feel it was something I cant explain.Im bloody sure it was you that I feel this something.I know were not soulmates cause I dont have a soul ...i dont think Im inlove cause I dont have a heart at that time.But i want to tell you it was your pink that wants me to kiss you,since I can't I put on my lips my two thumb.It was your shiny hair that light my dark days on that womb.It was also your charming eyes that inspire me to live in the womb until the 9nth month came.It was also your smile that convince me to never open my eyes from that dream.You may say Im mad but I just can't neglect this warmth sensation I felt on the womb.

When elementary years came I began searching for you, for more than 2 years I always feel sick because Im not with you.Until this grade came that I first have a glance on your exquisite face and make me well,stronger than a horse and make my brain sharper than a diamond.What I cant forget was your radiant,inspiring,delightful,soft and holy name of yours.That in all written things we do in our school I would always put the letter of your name.There was an M,and of course letter found at the end of grade,E,in every correct I got a C,a very important letter found on my holy name Anthony,its A.Not only your name but you as a whole has been planted on my brain.But even if youre already in my brain I still want to see you in every single day.This may sound fanatical but what can I do.I just can't stop this feeling.

And as the year pass by I began to wonder ,why did you grow in my heart ,although I planted you in my brain.Only did I realize that I was falling for you.It was perhaps my sweetest downfall.After realizing I began to search for an arrow in my heart but I wasn't able to find one.Instead I found a dart(Cupid did a little bit advancement..hehe).From that moment I found that dart on my heart I dont want to remove it cause I may die from bleeding.It was the sugary hit I ever felt.(I once did have a diabetis..).It may seem to be a stupid feeling to you and it seems also that Im lunatic but I just cant ignore this devotion I sense for you.

Graduating was the goodbye of my feelings for you and it was the welcoming of our new high school life.We were both separeated by the sea ,Im here and youre there.From that moment I came to realize your not for me ,Im not for you and were not fo each other.The most painful was that your heart was stolen by one of my elementary bestfriend.I was not that painful cause I use an anaesthesia .As far as I can remember i use the , diethyl ether of forgetting .But it was not enough there was still this sensation of pain and a stain of feelings for you.As time goes by I began convincing myself that you doesn't have the feeling for me that I feel for you.It was like wanting a star you just can't reach and more like counting a number of infinity that I cant reach the end of it.But even if I experience those nonsense feelings I never did despise,hate nor curse my friend that was said to be engage to you.I just came to accept we have to follow our blueprint of fate ..for me it was my architechtural planned destiny.As time flyby over our head ,It was a jumping jack when I found out that you move to Luzon and was engage with a friend of yours but never been a friend of mine.How I wish I have that Deathnote notebook of Kira..I know what your thinking ..I know this sounds psychopathic but I just can't say goodbye to the sentiment I sense for you.

"Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet".This nonsense sayings give me hope to wait until the right time came.Patience is a virtue but if you try to see it in a bigger picture patience is just a total waste of time.Waiting for those boys of your to leave you was a total waste of time.I was waiting for over a total of trillion seconds,billion minutes and million of hours.But that patience did bore a sweet fruit.After million of secnd s searching your name in the newspaper, bibles,novels,dictionary,yellowpages,gazettes,obituaries,magazine and the inside the computer net,I finally found you.We did have this binary communication that draw me closer to you.It was with the help of that net that I did catch you.When I see your picture in the computer ,i can't help myself but to think,not of the computer but you,once every millisecainds.To you it may appear that Im psychotic ,but what can I do ,I just can't reject this affection I feel for you.

Leaving me was the most breath taking decision you make.(it was not actually me you leaving. Was I?).I dont know if it was difficult for you leaving but for me it was painful leaving me behind.It was like I miss one number and I need to go back to where I started counting.Oh well,I guess we really have to follow a blueprint of our fate.But if that the only way I will go for it.Counting from the beginning to the infinity ,to you this seems to be impossible or perhaps idiotic.But what can I do I just cant dump the attachment of my heart to your heart.

There are only two things I expect you feel while reading this ,you feel something or you feel nothing.And Im assuming you choose the latter but to those who choose to have feeling even if they dont really have the feelings.You may cry while reading this but this is not a drama.You may laugh but this is not a joke.You may shout but I wont hear it.You may run but I tell you thats useless.You me mock me but It wont hurt me.You me curse me then I will pray for you.You may hate me but I will love you.You may leave me but I will go for you.You may cross the sea but only the sky changes not my feelings for you ,and hoping your feeling also.